Tuesday, December 27, 2011

2nd draft

Ladies & gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up – yes, you there, come a little closer… don’t be afraid, come a little closer … there, that’s better: I am about to share with you the GREATEST SECRET of MODERN MEDICINE:
Royal Elixir!!!
This valuable remedy, of which I am the proprietor, is a sovereign remedy for Dyspepsia, Sick Headache, Biliousness, Liver and Kidney complaints, Rheumatism, Gout, and Impurities of the Blood.

… It is an agreeable tonic for delicate women, being delicious in taste and beneficial in results.

For children it is especially desirable owing to its pleasant taste.
Folks, just over 100 years ago, these tonics, nostrums, and elixirs were common-place. They promised to cure EVERYTHING – no matter what ails you, “Royal Elixir” will cure it – and it tastes GREAT!

There’s a name for these cure-alls: SNAKE OIL! – and the folks who peddled them were SNAKE OIL SALESMEN.

You may believe that SNAKE OIL SALESMEN are just quaint historical figures, BUT, my friends, they’re with us today, peddling their ONE magic cure for whatever ails you…

Who are these Modern Snake-Oil Salesmen?
The GOP! – and the Snake-Oil they’re peddling is
St. Reagan's Restorative
Tax Cuts – good for whatever ails you.
To be fair, sometimes these nostrums even worked!
In 1906 the Sears, Roebuck catalog advertised the White Star Secret Liquor Cure with the promise that after a few doses Daddy would stop helling around every night.
It worked! Daddy DID in fact give up drink and stayed home at night.
The White Star Secret Liquor cure was based on a powerful narcotic.
Daddy was no longer drinking: he was addicted to opium, and sleeping like a baby.
(Just for good measure, the Sears catalog also advertised the Sears Cure for the Opium and Morphine Habit!)
Since the days of Saint Reagan, the GOP’s ONLY ‘cure’ for the economy?
Hey: Mitt, Newt, Rick, Rick, Michele, … Ron? – whaddaya think?

Folks, when ONE nostrum, ONE magic remedy, ONE cure-all is all you need, all the time, no matter what ails you… well, there’s a name for it: it’s SNAKE-OIL, and the people selling it to you are SNAKE-OIL SALESMEN!

For the GOP, “Tax Cuts” are ALWAYS the answer – good economic times or bad, war or peace, jobs or no jobs. “Tax cuts” cure EVERYTHING, all the time, forever.

In 1954, under the administration of that commie-pinko-socialist and wealth-redistributing Republican Dwight Eisenhower, the top marginal tax rate was – brace yourself! - 91%. I seem to recall from history that this was a period of mushrooming economic expansion, and the rise of America as a super-power.

Yes, indeed, my friends: Tax Cuts taste GREAT!... but are they really a cure-all?… and might the ‘cure’ – like White Star’s Secret Liquor Cure - be worse than the disease?

Call out the GOP for what they are: Snake Oil Salesmen!

(Look for this on YouTube within the month!)

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